Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
