You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
