Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
