I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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