I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
vagina is talking i cant
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
