i permit you to call me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
