I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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