If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
