matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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