This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
