I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
