No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
