the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
