so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
