Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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