I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
