You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
