He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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