The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
