TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Your cock deserves a montage
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
