I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
