Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
