Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
