how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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