i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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