I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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