My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
