Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
