Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
