while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
