I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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