Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
