i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i came on her dog
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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