I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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