We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
