they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
