last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
