Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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