party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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