She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
