I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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