I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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