Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
