Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
