everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
