I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
