so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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