Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
