Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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