i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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