Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
