So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
